Even though I don't know exactly who you'll be yet, I think of you often. I
   wonder how you're living your life now. It matters to me, you know, because how
   you live your life now determines the kind of person you're becoming . . .
   and the kind of person I'll spend the rest of my life with.
        Apparently, for some bizarre reason adulthood doesn't come automatically
   to us as teens. Some teens seem to spend their entire lives trying to "prove their
   manhood or womanhood" by hunting, playing sports, driving fast, shopping, using
   makeup, . . . and, unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to
   us christian teens that some teens think having sex proves they're a man or a
   woman. To us, it just proves that they've reached puberty. And we don't really
   consider that, in itself, to be any great accomplishment. Becoming a man or woman is
   a much more complicated process.
        The funny thing is, even in this day and age, most teens want to marry a person
   who respects ther sexuality. A man or woman doesn't like the idea of their future
   spouse in the back seat with someone else, or of them being the subject of a sexual
   conquest story in the locker room or lunch room. They'll brag about girls and guys
   like that, but they won't marry them. They want to marry a girl or guy, whether
   they have never "done it" or done it and regretted it, who recognizes that sex
   speaks the language of forever, committed love . . . someone like me.
        Why would I want to marry someone like that, someone who wants to marry a virgin
   but spends his dating years robbing other people of their virginity so that they can
   prove there manhood or womanhood? He's not a "real man" and she's not a "real woman"
   in my eyes---they are selfish, immature boy and girls driven by insecurity, not love,
   And I'm not interested.
        I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I respect
   mine. I want you to be a real, confident person, not a wimp who has to use women
   or men to feed there insecurity. A person like that couldn't use all of those other
   people and then suddenly love me. They may be "good" in bed, but they are not good at
   loving.
        I want you to learn to really love. Learning to love is learning to put the
   other first. A person who messes around outside of marriage isn't putting the
   good of the other first. There using people. . . speaking the "body language"
   of permanent commitment when the relationship isn't permanent. There
   putting the girl at risk of pregnancy, and they're putting themself at risk for
   some nasty diseases . . .and others at risk for diseases that can last
   a life time (with AIDS a short life time)or later give this disease to me.
   That's not making love. A real man or woman loves all people but only gives
   sexual love to their spouse and wants what's best for them. And they don't
   let their desires control their actions. They control their desires
   instead.
        I want you to develop self control. That's important to me. I don't want to
   marry a person who can't control himself. People like that make lousy husbands and
   wives. A person who isn't used to saying "no" to sex isn't going to be any better
   at it at 40 than they are at 16. I've seen adults who worry every time their
   husbands or wives go to work because they are working with  attractive
   people. I don't want that. What kind of marriage could I have with someone I
   couldn't even trust on a business trip?   
       In the short run, I'm sure there aren't too many rewards for a person
   living this way. Society tells you that you're missing out on your "sexual peak."
   Your silence during the locker room bragging sessions can seem deafening.
   You may have even heard from the people you date that something must be "wrong"
   with you because you won't take them to bed. Deep down, you must know that having
   sex won't prove you're a man or a woman. It's just irritating that no one else
   seems to know it, isn't it? But somebody does know it. I know it,
   and in the end, I'm the only someone who matters.
        And no, I'm not as narrow-minded as those people who say they'll only
   marry a virgin. Society isn't too supportive of virginity, especially
   male virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But I'm interested in your
   future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a person who has made
   a conscious decision to wait . . . out of love for our future family and
   commitment to our marriage. I want you to be a real man or woman, who's
   developed the control, maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings.
   They may not be popular traits in the locker room or lunch room, but they're
   popular with me. They'll make you a better husband or wife, and a better
   father or mother. To me, that's sexy.
        I've abstained from sex all of these years, and it hasn't been from the lack
   of offers. I've had plenty of opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't
   always been easy. I'm sure it's not always easy for you, either. But it will
   make our marriage so much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each other, our
   exclusive "language."It'll belong to us, not "us and everyone else you ever dated."
          Thanks for waiting for me. I promise you won't regret it.